Poetry
I preferred not to sleep.
I tried that once,
my mind died slowly and my body took over
I found myself standing in the field of dying carcasses of too many thoughts
Drowning in what seemed to be tears of the wasted and tired souls
No amount of concoctions could keep me at a steady pace
Every time I yawned my mouth would bend and twist and an echo of hollow music would escape
trying to tell me that there is a lot more to sleeping than I actually thought there was
But my mind was a mere plane I never learned to fly properly
and the gears of the thoughts that tried to enter my head from the different parts of the universe kept on turning and scratching at the insides of me repeatedly
There was another sound that came with it
It started as a knock and it became a continuous banging against the walls of my head
The hollow music from my mouth tried to become increasingly loud with a pain I didn’t understand
but I wouldn’t let it escape
My thoughts and rhythm started playing back to me in reverse
My teeth shook and fell at the sound of my body collapsing
My heart felt like it was drenched with sweat the earth would refrain itself from receiving
My eyes wouldn’t close anymore
Instead it stared up into the layers of colours that we call the “Sky”
And the light that shined through into my eyes kept on screaming into me, reminding me of how little and puny my existence truly is
What are you compared to everything else?
Have you seen the stars that have been awake for an infinity?
Have you seen the roots of the trees that keep holding this earth together?
Time is a delusional river running through our veins
And I have raced into the opposite direction and now I can’t get back
I have broken rules that I didn’t know existed
And I hear a malevolent whisper inside my head saying
“Silly girl, your mind cannot comprehend the weight of Existence for you are only human”
Tears started running but I couldn’t tell if these tears were mine anymore
My eyes slanted and I saw shadows and dark elongated creatures drowning within the river
I tried to get out of that river and instead got stuck in mud
I walked through it, knee deep
As I got closer to resting my sore head, the mud had reached my neck
And it had begun getting into my mouth
It kept trying to hold me back
No amount of thinking could save me anymore
So I started to pray
I apologised and said
“Oh God, I may never understand this Weight you chose to create-”
And then I couldn’t say anything anymore because it has all become a little too much
And then I heard the earth Sigh
And suddenly all the sounds of the world became a single hum
I felt Him finally allowing my eyes to close
I heard a whisper in my head again
“Oh you Silly girl, next time just allow yourself the virtue of sleep.”
- 19.6.2016
"Alright but who died first?"
They all looked confused. This being with her limbs intertwined sat among them. It was not their forte to be comfortable and confused yet as they sat watching this jagged creature with her millions of eyes all over her face, they felt a sense of comfort and they were drawn to it.my mind died slowly and my body took over
I found myself standing in the field of dying carcasses of too many thoughts
Drowning in what seemed to be tears of the wasted and tired souls
No amount of concoctions could keep me at a steady pace
Every time I yawned my mouth would bend and twist and an echo of hollow music would escape
trying to tell me that there is a lot more to sleeping than I actually thought there was
But my mind was a mere plane I never learned to fly properly
and the gears of the thoughts that tried to enter my head from the different parts of the universe kept on turning and scratching at the insides of me repeatedly
There was another sound that came with it
It started as a knock and it became a continuous banging against the walls of my head
The hollow music from my mouth tried to become increasingly loud with a pain I didn’t understand
but I wouldn’t let it escape
My thoughts and rhythm started playing back to me in reverse
My teeth shook and fell at the sound of my body collapsing
My heart felt like it was drenched with sweat the earth would refrain itself from receiving
My eyes wouldn’t close anymore
Instead it stared up into the layers of colours that we call the “Sky”
And the light that shined through into my eyes kept on screaming into me, reminding me of how little and puny my existence truly is
What are you compared to everything else?
Have you seen the stars that have been awake for an infinity?
Have you seen the roots of the trees that keep holding this earth together?
Time is a delusional river running through our veins
And I have raced into the opposite direction and now I can’t get back
I have broken rules that I didn’t know existed
And I hear a malevolent whisper inside my head saying
“Silly girl, your mind cannot comprehend the weight of Existence for you are only human”
Tears started running but I couldn’t tell if these tears were mine anymore
My eyes slanted and I saw shadows and dark elongated creatures drowning within the river
I tried to get out of that river and instead got stuck in mud
I walked through it, knee deep
As I got closer to resting my sore head, the mud had reached my neck
And it had begun getting into my mouth
It kept trying to hold me back
No amount of thinking could save me anymore
So I started to pray
I apologised and said
“Oh God, I may never understand this Weight you chose to create-”
And then I couldn’t say anything anymore because it has all become a little too much
And then I heard the earth Sigh
And suddenly all the sounds of the world became a single hum
I felt Him finally allowing my eyes to close
I heard a whisper in my head again
“Oh you Silly girl, next time just allow yourself the virtue of sleep.”
- 19.6.2016
"Alright but who died first?"
They realised every sinking feeling, every hole in their chest, every thought that mankind had thought, eating away at them. They felt their bare feet stuck in muddy wet grass as sharp claws ripped their backs apart. They felt it all as their cuts began turning into waterfalls.
The one with many eyes sat staring at them and she repeated her question again,
“Alright then, which one of you died first?”
I sat among them, I felt everything - every sinking feeling, every hole in my chest, every thought that has been thought and my bare feet stuck in the mud as a clawed creature I know not off, tore through my back.
Suddenly I realised I knew who she was.
I’ve been here.
I shouldn’t be here.
I opened my mouth.
“I know who you are.”
Her body swayed towards me as her many eyes stared right through me. She could see every edge, every tear that managed to scratch and scrape at my throat, every reason I put up my now non existent shield, yet I stood up.
The others gasped.
My knees shook but I kept my face as straight as I could.
“Not me. I didn’t die. I lived,” I said.
If eyes could laugh, that’s exactly what they did. Her body shook, her eyes twitched. An unpleasant sigh.
“You were always delusional, you delusional child,“ she stared at me.
She saw everything.
She continued, “You think yourself special, different even and maybe that is true but you’re nothing great. You’re like all of them, all your petty problems, and those fancy words you spew will mean nothing. One day when the time is right, we all will belong to what we were once. Before the big bang, before time itself. Before we became these many atoms circling around in space trying to find our place. We will be once what we were. And all your writings, your art that you hide behind and those you keep dear will mean nothing.”
She stared at me. Her words echoing through this white void. How I got here in the first place, I do not know.
Her words ate at the others as they started their silent wailings, their mouths opening and closing without sound.
And yet I said,
“No, you’re wrong.”
I stood there still standing, delusional as always.
I should stop visiting this place.
- 10 Sept 2015, 12.23am
Bones.
There were rumours about her, how her bones were easily misplaced and she couldn’t find it for days at a time.“How could you lose bones?,” they’d ask.Her knees wobbled. She covered her ears. No they don’t get it. They don’t hear the creaking and the breaking she hears every night when everyone’s lights are off.The bones, they were apart of her, they held her up but they were aligned in a way that it jutted out here and there.So all she could think to do was to pull them out even if they made a mess along the way.
- 2am, 26.8.2015
Content.
I am content - I guess
Content with what I have, I guess
I yearn for more sometimes
but when I get it, it comes
it comes with a price
and as it reaches my mind
the weight that it holds gets me down
As I hold this thing in my palms
I close my eyes from the pain
and I whisper the same words over and over again
I am content - I guess
Content with what I have, I guess.
Content with what I have, I guess
I yearn for more sometimes
but when I get it, it comes
it comes with a price
and as it reaches my mind
the weight that it holds gets me down
As I hold this thing in my palms
I close my eyes from the pain
and I whisper the same words over and over again
I am content - I guess
Content with what I have, I guess.